Rising Mobile Danger: Cell Phones Break Bones.
Dukedoms, dear readers, with yet another batch of steaming hot SMC news-biscuits.
If you’ve been following our journey into the world Severe Micro-Cellulotamination, then you are painfully aware of the discomfort and strife this newly-discovered disease wreaks on it’s victims. If you are a sufferer of SMC, however, the immediacy of your situation might not be as apparent.
You see, SMC is a neuro-degenerative disease. This means that as the illness progresses and symptoms worsen, so too does the victim’s awareness of their handicap. The sleepless nights and declining verbal-dexterity aren’t what make SMC so dangerous, it’s the fact that the sufferer is unable to perceive these changes that puts them in such great danger.
Take, for example, the recent outbreak of broken limbs amongst the elderly living in rural Uganda. Due to the sluggish development of Ugandan cellular networks, citizens have literally taken to the trees in order to seek out acceptable service. And just as those who talk-while-driving risk increased chances of crashing their vehicle, those who talk-while-climbing have been falling with astounding frequency.
Broken arms and legs are rising rapidly, and these citizens think it’s perfectly normal to risk life and limb all for a quiet moment with their phones? TEXTBOOK SMC, people. Ascending amongst branch and bramble, all in the name of a good chat? Madness!
But you still see the danger, don’t you? You understand that it’s not too late? If the distinction’s become blurry, if you think climbing a tree for reception sounds valid, I implore you to consider our CLL PHN LCKN. It’s only a mere eight days away.
See you there.

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